then another step

I use a quote from Antoine de Saint-Exupery as the signature for my emails: What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It's always the same step, but you always have to take it.

I have gotten into the habit of thinking about my life in terms of its circularity. Now that I am more aware of the ridges and valleys of my inner landscape, I can see the times that I am covering old territory. It happens often. Not that I dwell in the past, necessarily, but I tend to wander into the same sand-traps a few times before I learn to avoid them. This is why, I suppose, I sometimes feel as though I often have to start the journey over; or, rather, that I am walking in circles, without making any progress. It is always the same step . . .

I always forget the second sentence, though, Then another step. It's always the same step, but it's not always the first step. Sometimes I am covering the same territory, and this is where despair begins to lay its shadow across the valley. It is the same step, but it is also another step, distinct because I am taking it with some prior knowledge of the landscape. I can climb with more assurance, or appreciate a view that I missed the first time around.

The painfully insightful paradox is what keeps drawing me back to this quote: everything is the same, because (It is always the same step.) I've been here before; but nothing is the same because (Then another step.) now I can see it more clearly.

What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you always have to take it.

Despair and perseverance. Stepping when it is the same step, moving forward despite the dread of known territory. I have been here before, but I will pass through this shadow because I know where my foot will land. I know this territory, I claim it through my passages through it. I will take another step. And another.